Be Careful What You Wish For
by dark mirth
Summary: The title says it all. What happens when Renge and Kyouya cut a deal at Haruhi's expense? Yaoi and straight love HaruhixHikaru. Sequel up! Operation: Revenge.
1. Prologue

DM: Hello! This is my first OHSHC fic! I've noticed that a lot are one-shot, but mine will be fairly lengthy. I'm gonna avoid author notes from this point forward, so the disclaimer below will last for the whole fic, ok? Oh yea, and PLEASE REVIEW IT MAKES ME UPDATE FASTER!

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club

**Prologue**

Hello. My name is Fujioka Haruhi. I'm a special scholarship student at Ouran High School, a school for the wealthy and powerful. I broke a vase upon entering their "Host Club" (a group of guys that does nothing but flirt) and so I now crossdress as a boy to work off my debt. Now I'm going to tell you a story about the worst month of my life.

It all started one morning, when I woke up and found that I had a penis.

Ok scratch that

It all started the day before that morning, when the guys at the Host Club (more on them as we go along) were harassing me, as usual.

"Haruhi! Come home with us and try on our mother's fashions!" Hikaru, one of the Hitachiin twins (infamous for their twincest act at the HC) cajoled, draping an arm around me.

"Yea, Haruhi, you will look soooo cute!" his brother, Kaoru, chimed in, also grabbing hold of me.

"I mean _look_ at the state of your pants, girl, there's a hole in this pocket!" Hikaru cried, tugging at my pant leg. I opened my mouth to protest that Kyouya was too cheap to lend me more than one male uniform without adding it to my debt and that I was too cheap to accept it, but I was interrupted:

"But Haru-chan has to come to the cute petting zoo with me! Bun-bun and I want to pet the wabbits!" Honey, two years my senior yet with the appearance of a 10 year old, tugged on my sleeve, and his cousin, Mori (as tall and dark as Honey was small and blonde) nodded emphatically behind him.

"Surely you jest, my subjects! Princess Haruhi will go on a date with me today!" Tamaki (also blonde and utterly obnoxious) rang out in his usual melodramatic way.

Kyouya, eyes hidden mysteriously behind his glasses and black hair, only held out a broom for me, and pointed to the page of his notebook on which my debt was recorded. $35,000 to go. I sighed and chose the broom.

Ignoring the cacophony of protests and whines, I began to sweep under Honey's usual table (he always left a huge mess of cake crumbs).

Giving up on me, the gang left, leaving only Kyouya and me. I sighed again.

"Something wrong, Haruhi?" Kyouya's voice reeked of amusement. I stopped sweeping for a moment and stared hard at the smeared strawberry on the floor (what a waste!).

"I wish..." I began. But what did I wish for? I didn't know. Before I could finish the thought, Kyouya came up and flicked me in the forehead (a very uncharacteristic move on his part).

"If you want to make a wish, there's a fountain just outside here that makes your wishes come true," he said, grinning evilly and reminding me of the mischievous twins.

"Oh please," I said, and renewed my sweeping. He walked back to his little desk and began typing on his laptop.

As soon as I had finished sweeping, I left, giving Kyouya the smallest goodbye. He only raised his arm in return, eyes fixated on the screen.

As I walked, I reflected on the things that I wished were different.

I wished that everyone would stop treating me differently from the way they treated each other. I wanted to be one of the guys.

It turns out that the fountain Kyouya talked about was an old tourist attraction that I had never given much thought before. It was on my route home. Kyouya had probably known that already—he had taken it upon himself to research every aspect of my life.

Now, because God hated me at that point for being so ungrateful, he decided to use that whole "omnipotent" thing to create the mess in which I found myself the following morning.

You see, just as I was passing the fountain, I happened to murmur that last wish out loud, that I wanted to be "one of the guys". Also at that exact moment, Hikaru and Kaoru happened to spring out at me from behind a trashcan and push me right next to that fountain. At the same time, a coin in my ridiculously worn pocket fell into the fountain.

You are now expecting a bang and a flash of light, yes?

Wrong.

Nothing happened, and I yelled at Hikaru and Kaoru until they cried and then myself went home.

As I said before, I woke up the next morning with a penis. My wish had come true.

The month until I managed to get back to normal was the worst month of my life. Period.

But it was absolutely necessary.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

Naturally I was very disturbed to find that I was now a boy. So, I did what anyone would do. I ran for my daddy.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!" I shouted, sprinting down the hall to the kitchen, "Dad I'm a boy!"

I slid open the door to find my dad, still a cross-dresser (guess it runs in the family), cooking breakfast. He stared at me for a minute then started to laugh hysterically.

"Of course you're a boy, Haruhi. You've always been a boy. I promise." With another snort, he returned to his cooking.

I looked down and noticed I was only wearing boxers (an item of clothing I have never owned before). I looked at the pictures around our house. I was a boy in all of them. I went to Mom's picture (she died a long time ago) and lit the candle, wondering what the hell had happened to me.

"Uh, son…" my dad ventured, as he deftly flipped pancakes, "are you going to get dressed? You're going to be late for school."

I dashed back to my room and got dressed. Yup, my Ouran High School uniform was still in my closet. I was strangely relieved that everything was practically the same. I don't think I could have handled it if Dad had become a cross-dresser or Mom died because I was born a girl. That's just too much.

One thing that pissed me off was that my face didn't look any different.

I got to school like I usually do, not really feeling much different. I mean, at school I pretended to be a boy anyways, and now it was much easier. The girls all blushed and called my name: I guessed I was still a member of the Host Club.

"Haruhi!" identical voices called out to me. I braced myself, expecting the Hitachiins to drape themselves all over me like they usually do, but nothing happened. I turned to look at them, and for the first time I knew what it felt like to be "outside" of their world.

Hikaru was smiling cockily at me while Kaoru rested his chin on his brother's shoulder.

"Good morning," I said, strangely shaken by how distant they felt.

"Morning," Hikaru said.

"Don't forget to come to the meeting this afternoon!" Kaoru chided, wagging a finger at me.

I only nodded and watched as the two sat next to each other. I was no longer allowed to sit between them.

School was school. I don't think I have to describe it for you.

As I entered the third music room alone (Hikaru and Kaoru hadn't waited for me) I expected the usual zany welcome, but no. Everyone calmly wished me good afternoon. Even Tamaki was calm towards me.

"Alright Haruhi, only 423 designations to go, my friend," Kyouya said, pushing his glasses up with his index finger. I nodded.

For a while I enjoyed the fact that I did not have to lie anymore and everyone left me alone. I was still fabulous with the ladies, but my still-female mind failed to find any of the swooning girls attractive. I kept looking over at the twins.

"Oh ow!" Kaoru yelped suddenly, his hand going to his eye.

"Oh Kaoru, what's the matter?" Hikaru asked, his voice oozing with twincestuous concern.

"I-it's nothing, Hikaru…I just have something in my eye," Kaoru said in his soft uke voice, turning away slightly. Hikaru caught him under the chin and leaned in close to him, their lips almost touching.

"Let me see it, Kaoru…"

For the first time ever, I was absolutely enthralled by their act. My mouth hung open, and I began to experience what guys refer to as a "hard-on"

Fabulous, I thought, now I'm gay.

If only I knew how much trouble I was going to get into.

"Haruhi-kun, we're out of sugar," the fat girl I was currently hosting said, and I snapped out of it.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I said blushing (she sighed dreamily) "I'll go borrow some from Hikaru and Kaoru." I got up and walked towards their table. They were still entwined.

"Hikaru," I said, trying to hide my blush, "can I have some of your sugar?"

Hikaru ignored me and continued to stroke Kaoru's face.

"Hikaru!" I practically yelled, "I need some of your sugar!"

That got Hikaru's attention, along with everyone else's in the Club. My face felt hot.

"Oh Haruhi, I see you want some _sugar_," Hikaru said, winking at me. I took that as my signal to play along.

"Hikaru…I only need a little…" I said, using that same uke voice that Kaoru uses. The younger Hitachiin looked impressed.

If only it had been intentional.

"Haruhi, Haruhi, Haruhi," Hikaru said. The whole club was enraptured. He took my hand and placed a sugar cube in it. Then he picked it up with his mouth, licking the palm of my hand as he did so. I shivered. Several girls fainted at once.

"Hikaru! How can you do that to someone other than me?" Kaoru broke in, whining. Hikaru locked eyes with me for a moment, and then looked away, and attended to Kaoru. The girls were going insane.

He gave me a bowl of sugar cubes, and I blushed and looked down as his hand touched mine. Why was I attracted to him like this? I wondered. I had never really given attraction much thought as a girl.

Unfortunately I gave it enough thought that afternoon to make up for those fifteen years of ignorance.

After the guests had all left, Tamaki rounded us up to plan our next big activity.

"Let's go to an amusement park!" he said, just as flamboyant as always.

The twins looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Isn't that a commoner park, my lord?" Kaoru ventured. Hikaru nodded sagely.

"He saw a commercial for it, and so now we shall indulge him," Kyouya said, not looking up from his book.

I tilted my head so I could read the title: _Adrenaline and How it Affects the Sex Drive._

For those of you that don't get it, I'll clarify: Amusement park means thrilling rides means adrenaline means amorous girls means more money for the Host Club. Typical Kyouya.

"Amusement parks have the best fennel cakes, right, Takashi?" Honey asked as he got out a fresh box of strawberry cakes. Mori grunted in agreement. My mouth watered slightly looking at them—I hadn't eaten anything all afternoon, because I had been too busy thinking about Hikaru.

"D'you want one, Haru-chan?" Honey asked. I nodded, and he Mori and I began to eat as Tamaki and Kyouya finalized the plans (the twins, of course, were trying to be as much in their way as possible).

I remembered one time when Mori had given me his strawberries. I looked at him expectantly, but he appeared absolutely ignorant of my existence. Even Honey noticed me less than usual.

"Hey, Haruhi, where do you live?" Kyouya asked from over my shoulder.

They had never visited my house? Kyouya hadn't thoroughly researched me/wasn't in touch with my dad? This was nothing like what I remembered.

After I told them my address Kyouya said a car would pick me up that weekend and we'd go.

In the twenty or so minutes before the meeting was adjourned I came to several conclusions:

Nobody liked me very much as a boy.

This must be some crazy alternate universe that doesn't actually exist.

I was strongly attracted to Hikaru for no reason whatsoever.

I wanted everything to go back to normal.

I practically ran all the way to the fountain, but it was roped off and was surrounded by construction workers.

A sign read "Closed for Maintenance: Will be running in a month."

I almost screamed. I wanted my old life back. I was sorry I ever made that stupid wish. I took off running in a random direction.

Now you know why this was the worst _month_ of my life.

You should also know something else: I am normally a very level-headed person. I don't usually do rash things. Running in a random direction is therefore very uncharacteristic of me.

I kept on running despite the astonished looks of the people around me. I was in much better shape as a boy, one of the few perks.

I have never been so frustrated in my entire life. I shut my eyes tight and growled.

That was a rather stupid thing to do, because I ended up falling on my face a moment later. Stupid earthquake-ruined sidewalk. Stupid Japan being on the merging point of four freaking tectonic plates.

Someone prodded my body with their toe. I sat up, blushing profusely. I was in an unfamiliar part of downtown, in front of a large high-rise building. The person who had prodded me was Kaoru.

"Kaoru, what are you doing here?" I asked. Kaoru looked extremely taken aback.

"How did you know I was Kaoru?" he asked suspiciously. I sighed.

"Of course I knew it was you, I've always been able to tell you two apart."

He looked at me, but not with the beaming pride I remembered. In fact, he looked disgusted. He hadn't even bothered to help me up yet.

"What's wrong, upset that I've won your little game?" I asked, suddenly feeling hostile, since he had, after all, interrupted my moment with Hikaru.

"Kaoru, who's that?" Hikaru's voice came out from the building. His eyes widened when he saw me.

"Just our friend the commoner," Kaoru said, smirking. Hikaru came and helped me up.

"He knew which one I was," Kaoru said softly.

Hikaru, whose hand was still in mine, blushed, surprisingly.

"Oh? Great job, Haruhi!" he gave me a mischievous grin and patted me on the back.

Once he saw that his brother approved, Kaoru quickly grew friendlier.

"Come on," he said, grinning like Hikaru, "you must be hungry after coming all this way—let's get something to eat."

The two of them guided me towards the limo that had been waiting there the whole time.

"Let's go have sushi, huh?" Hikaru asked/commanded the driver.

Sushi…Ootoro. Mmmmm.

"What kind of sushi do you like, Haruhi?" Kaoru asked. He was obviously trying to make up for his earlier rudeness.

"Ootoro," I said quietly. I waited for them to say something. Kaoru stared out the window. Hikaru stared at me.

"Are you making fun of us?" he asked, sounding a tad irritated.

"Ok well I've never had it before, but I imagine it'd be delicious…" I said, unsure of the reason for his irritation.

Suddenly, he grabbed my collar and pulled me to him so that we were nose to nose.

"Are you trying to insult me?" he asked, his voice dangerously soft. I was so confused.

"Hikaru, don't forget—he's a commoner," Kaoru said gently. Hikaru didn't let go of me, but his expression softened. The car stopped and Kaoru got out.

Hikaru and I were still nose to nose. Heat spread throughout my entire body. I stared at his lips, feeling slightly faint.

"Hey c'mon now, don't tell me you two are gay for each other!" Kaoru's voice floated teasingly into the limo. Hikaru and I sprang apart and he got out, laughing nervously.

I felt incredibly vulnerable.

The dinner was incredible. Without everyone always getting in my way I was able to actually taste ootoro. It was even better than I had imagined. Whoever said that boys are less sensual than girls was mistaken.

"Haruhi…" Hikaru began, softly.

"If you were able to tell us apart…" Kaoru continued.

"Why haven't you done it before?" Hikaru asked. Kaoru's eyes were playful, but Hikaru looked genuinely hurt.

Ok so maybe hurt is an exaggeration. Miffed would be more accurate.

"I dunno…" I said, and took a bite out of a shrimp tempura roll. My dad always makes fun of me when I eat sushi because I sort of wrap my tongue around it before putting it in my mouth ("Like a frog! Hahahahahaha!").

Hikaru stared at my mouth and licked his lips. I felt my face get hot again. Kaoru seemed utterly oblivious.

But he wouldn't stay oblivious for long.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

So the rest of my first week as a boy was spent trying desperately to hide my lust for the older Hitachiin. Oh and I was assigned to write a fable for French class.

This led me to a new decision: would I write it, despite the fact that I would wish myself back to normal in only three more weeks? Or would I slack off and enjoy this month of no work?

Haruhi never slacks off. Never.

Besides, a sick and twisted part of me wanted to impress Hikaru with it. How pathetic.

This is going to sound stupid (because it is) but I wanted to pursue Hikaru. Whenever I was near him some strange desire took over me and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to touch him.

Now I truly understand why boys are so boneheaded all the time.

I had a sinking suspicion that the girls of the Host Club and maybe even Kaoru noticed my lusting. Of course, the girls loved the idea of "moe" between two of their favorite Hosts. I guess I was sort of lucky in this alternate universe: Kyouya and Tamaki paid almost no attention to me. It was kind of creepy, to be honest.

So when it was time to go to the amusement park, I had one thing on my mind: get Hikaru. Boys are so pathetic.

Before I go on to tell you about that day (which may have been the most embarrassing of that entire month) I should point out that never did it cross my mind what would happen if Hikaru liked me back.

I can be such an idiot sometimes.

So anyway, Kyouya's car picked me up, devoid of any Host Club members. I felt a little bit lonely (just a little!). I rode to the amusement park in silence, mildly creeped out by Kyouya's chauffeur.

"We're here, Fujioka Sir."

Sir? Sir. Even now I don't know what to make of that.

"Thank you," I said, and for a brief stupid moment I tried to tip him. He laughed at me and drove off.

"Oh Haruhi, such a commoner!" Hikaru said lazily from behind me.

I turned around. Most of the Host Club was laughing at me. Fabulous. The girls with them had little hearts in their eyes.

I'm not joking. I didn't think it was possible, either.

"Now then, Haruhi, You have twenty-five designations for the amusement park. Be good now!" Kyouya said evilly, pushing me into my regular group of girls.

The fat one sidled up to me and whispered, "So Haruhi, Hikaru looks nice today, huh?" in a conspiratorial tone. I blushed furiously and looked at Hikaru, who was tickling Kaoru.

The gaggle of girls pressed in closer, whispering excitedly, "moe" over and over again.

Now I always give the people what they want.

"H-he looks nice, I guess… I wonder if he and Kaoru are really together that way…"

The girls around me mysteriously went into swooning fits. The fat one sighed in ecstasy.

When they had recovered, Renge (yes she is in this universe too) appeared. I had never really liked her very much…

"Haruhi! We must help you break up their brotherly love!"

But I suddenly liked her a whole lot.

The girls recovered and grouped together as we walked through the theme park, following (not surreptitiously at all) Hikaru and Kaoru's group.

"Hey Kaoru, let's go on the Ferris wheel together!" Hikaru shouted, grabbing his brother by the hand.

"Oh but Hikaru, surely you want to ride with one of these lovely princesses…" Kaoru replied meekly, allowing himself to be dragged along.

Hikaru stopped and spun Kaoru in close to him. They were nose to nose. Their girls had begun salivating.

"Is that it, Kaoru? You want to ride with someone other than me?" fake tears welled up in the older twin's eyes.

Kaoru's pose became even more vulnerable. He pleaded with Hikaru: "Don't say that! You know I would never…"

"Haruhi!" random girl # 1 whisper-shouted at me, bringing me into their huddle, "You have to ride the Ferris wheel with Hikaru!" The other girls nodded furiously.

"Alright," Renge said, taking the lead, "Someone must distract Kaoru!"

"I will do it!" volunteered random girl # 2.

"Someone must distract the girls!"

"I think the moe between Hikaru and Haruhi will do that very well…" the fat girl said meekly. I smiled at her and she blushed.

"Alright then, go!" Renge said with all the melodrama she could muster, and we were off.

Several girls pushed their way to the front, with me in tow, and before I knew it I was right behind Hikaru. Random girl # 2 came up to Kaoru and took him by the arm (he was rather unwilling at first, but a Host can never say "no").

"Go, Haruhi, now's your chance!" Renge said, and she pushed me a tad harder than necessary.

So I fell onto Hikaru's back, causing him to fall on his face on the ground. I pushed myself up on my hands and then noticed our position.

"Haruhi, don't force him!" one girl said. I viciously hated her. A small crowd had gathered to see our PDGS. (not Public Display of Affection, Public Display of Gay Sex I will use this even more later).

"Hikaru!" Kaoru called out to him, barely hiding his snigger.

Now you know why this was such an embarrassing day.

Needless to say, I practically jumped off Hikaru, who rolled over and smirked at me.

"Gee, Haruhi," he said, wiping off his cheek on his sleeve, "If you liked me _that_ much, you should have said something."

My face became that oh-so-lovely color known as magenta. Hikaru stuck his hand up at me. I stared at it stupidly. Hikaru frowned.

"Are you gonna help me up, or what? After you blatantly ass-raped me, too…" he said with a sly smile.

I grabbed his hand and yanked. Now, I didn't exactly know my own strength as a boy, so I kind of misjudged it. Kind of on purpose…

Hikaru had now fallen on top of me. You're probably wondering what Kaoru and the girls are doing right now: So many girls fainted on top of him that Kaoru was now pinned to the ground and unable to do anything.

I was so embarrassed. Hikaru was on top of me, which meant he could feel that something that boys have that gives away when they're turned on. Call me immature if you must, but the idea that I had a hard-on at any point in my life is extremely uncomfortable for me. However, he had one too.

Surprisingly, Hikaru kissed me.

Yes, you read that right. He kissed me.

It was very quick, because at that point the amusement park security pulled him off me and yelled at us both because our PDGS was disturbing those around us.

Kaoru's arm twitch beneath the piled of swooning women. I made a motion towards him, but Hikaru shook his head. He motioned instead to the Ferris wheel.

I was quite nervous. Had he even meant to kiss me? Now we were going to be alone in that small space. I didn't think I could handle it.

I watched him as he walked ahead. The way his ginger hair swished a little when he walked was entrancing. As was the way his pants fit low on his hips…

"Stop staring, I'll start to think you're interested in me," he said over his shoulder.

I blushed again. We got into a compartment together and up we went. We were halfway to the top when we were stopped again.

I turned to say something to Hikaru, but his mouth covered mine before any sound could escape my throat. He pressed me against the wall of the compartment and it began to swing dangerously.

Now here, I should clarify something:

As a girl, I was rarely sexually aroused and so never thought of what to do in a sexual situation.

As a boy, sex was pretty much the only thing on my mind.

Of course I kissed back, subtly finding ways to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming. I needn't have bothered because Hikaru began to gnaw on my lower lip.

My mouth uncovered, I sighed. His body was pressed firmly against mine, and the compartment had begun to move again, still swinging.

We continued to kiss until an incredibly sad thought came into my mind:

This was not reality. I would become a girl again in three weeks' time.

Hikaru was probably not straight in the real world either, meaning that once I became a girl, I wouldn't have a chance with him.

I broke off, panting and looking away. Before I could stop him he was kissing and gently biting my neck. In spite of myself, I sighed again.

A happier thought came to mind:

This was just a sexual attraction thing. I was not in love with Hikaru in either world.

I might as well enjoy myself for the moment.

Just as I was about to kiss him again, the door of the compartment slid open.

"Take it easy, fellas," the guy said as we got off.

Life was so much more embarrassing as a boy. Anyway, Hikaru walked back to where the girls and Kaoru, now recovered, were eating ice cream.

When they saw our disheveled state and our obvious state of arousal, they promptly fainted again. Well, except for Kaoru, who deftly dodged the ice cream that had now spilled everywhere and came up to us.

"What's the big idea Haruhi, Hikaru and I have a great act together!" Kaoru said, pressing his finger against my chest.

It was true, he did look jealous.

"And Hikaru, you know _I_ want to make out with Haruhi, too!"

I gave Hikaru a scandalized look, expecting him to outright refuse. But no, he only shrugged and said, "he's all yours."

"Wait—what?"

"C'mon Haruhi!" Kaoru said, grabbing my arm.

I looked back at Hikaru as Kaoru dragged me back towards the Ferris wheel. I felt…I didn't know how I felt. But now I do. I felt heartbroken. Some stupid part of me thought that Hikaru actually liked me.

Some stupid part of me actually wanted Hikaru to like me.

We went up in the Ferris wheel again ("back for another round, boys?"), but this time I was not kissed. At least at first. Kaoru sat down across from me in the compartment, his arms folded over his chest.

"Don't let Hikaru play with you this way, Haruhi…" he mumbled a little at the end, so I leaned in closer to him.

"What do you mean?" I asked softly. His demeanor gave me a sinking feeling in my heart.

"I can't bear to see him hurt you!" Kaoru suddenly shouted, and he closed the gap between our lips.

Despite the fact that they are twins, the Hitachiins are very different.

Hikaru kisses hotly and roughly, whereas Kaoru is more tender.

Hikaru has a slight swagger when he walks, whereas Kaoru could balance books on his head.

Hikaru was just toying with me, whereas Kaoru actually cared.

Still I wanted Hikaru, not Kaoru.

I broke the kiss and leaned back. Kaoru bit his lip and looked down.

"Look Kaoru, I—"

"—you are in love with Hikaru," he said softly, "and everyone except him knows it."

I sighed and looked at the floor. So much for simply enjoying myself.

Why hadn't I noticed before how cute he is when he smiles?

Or how his pranks always have a certain cleverness to them?

Or how, when I was a girl, he really did care about me?

Why did it take my stupid wish to show me that I value him the most?

"I'll help you," Kaoru said.

I smiled at him. He smiled back. The ride was over.

Hikaru was waiting for us when we got out.

"What happened?" he asked.

Kaoru and I looked at each other. He winked at me.

"Maybe I won't have to help you at all," he whispered, as Hikaru glared at him.

"Come on now, fags," he said, and walked off.

"Look who's talking," I called out. Hikaru's ears turned red.

All in all, our trip to the amusement park wasn't so bad.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Due to the lack of anything exciting for a bit, I should probably tell you about the crazy skills you must have to be a guy:

1) Good aim. You don't want me to get into details.

2) A way to hide that certain embarrassing something so that no one will notice (I found that tucking it in the waistband of my boxers always worked).

3) Confidence in your own sex appeal.

4) Self control.

Needless to say, every mundane experience I took for granted as a girl became a challenge as a boy.

Anyway, back to my story. So I showed up to school on Monday driven insane by fantasies of Hikaru. I entered the class and Hikaru waved at me. I blushed and Kaoru smirked knowingly at me.

But he knew much more than I thought he did.

We always have French first, and it was starting to become my favorite class, mostly because Hikaru made it sound so sexy. We began reading a play, _Le Cid_.

For the sake of drawing an interesting parallel, I will tell you one of the sub-plots: the princess of Spain is in love with Don Rodrigue, who is a lesser nobleman whom she could never marry. To get him out of her mind, she sets him up with Chimene, who is of his rank. Those two fall in love, and the princess is left hating life.

Why did I tell you about that? Because in retrospect I can see who played each character in our little triangle.

Kaoru made it so that Hikaru and I sat next to each other. For the rest of the day, Hikaru goofed off while I attempted to work. My notes were covered in his little doodles and dress designs, spontaneous insults towards the teacher and Tamaki. It felt like I was a girl again, and it was fun.

We ate lunch together, and even though Kaoru was there, I felt like it was just me and Hikaru. I think Kaoru felt that way too.

Everything was fine and dandy like that for the rest of the week: I pursued Hikaru lightly, and he responded. The Host Club did better than ever before, what with everyone so interested in the "love triangle" we had created.

I should have seen what came next. I should have seen it in the way that Kaoru always made sure that Hikaru and I ended up together. The way he always left at just the right moment, giving me chance after chance to confess my feelings to Hikaru.

I failed every time, and Kaoru grew frustrated with me. By Thursday of my second week as a boy, he no longer even spoke to me. I should have realized it then, but boys in lust seldom notice anything.

Friday, as we planned our Host Club outing for that weekend (although the fable was due in a week and a history paper two weeks after that), Kaoru spoke up:

"We should go to the beach!" he said, much louder than necessary.

Everyone, even Hikaru looked surprised. Kyouya caught himself first and adjusted his glasses.

"Let's do that."

And so it was done. The next day we left for the beach, where we would stay in a nice hotel with the girls.

This trip, right in the middle of my month of torture, would be the best and worst of my life up until that point. I'll tell you about the good part first.

We played in the water with the girls, and I was finally able to wear a swimsuit and everything.

"Look!" the fat girl pulled me towards a giant crab in the shallow water.

"Mmmm…Side dishes…" I said, picking it up.

"You're so brave, Haruhi!" Another girl said loudly.

"I could cook you a side dish with that, Haruhi!" yet another girl said.

Before I knew it, the girls had used their Super Clustering Ability, and swarmed around me. The fat girl spoke first, in a low conspiratorial whisper.

"Haruhi, we've noticed Hikaru looking at you a lot!"

"Moe…" another girl murmured.

"Oh, I—" I didn't know what to say. Suddenly all the girls squealed.

"Haruhi is so cute! He blushes down to his tummy!" they shouted in that magical unison that girls have.

I stuttered ineptly, causing their squealing to increase a couple decibels. Finally, a beach ball sent from the heavens hit me in the face and caused them to scatter.

"Oh sorry, Haruhi!" Hikaru shouted, in a voice that told me he did it on purpose.

Kaoru materialized at my side and held my face in his hands.

"Did it hurt your pretty face?" he asked, his acting skills superb as always.

I swallowed and blushed some more, backing up into Hikaru's bare chest. So smooth!

"Your skin feels so nice, Ha-ru-hi…" Hikaru said low in my ear.

Let me show you the scene as the girls saw it:

Kaoru stood in front of me, holding my face, and Hikaru behind, arms snaking around my waist.

Naturally, of course, they fainted and had to be rescued by Mori and Honey so that they didn't drown in the absurdly shallow water. The crab I had been holding was now making a mad dash for freedom across the sand.

"Come to our room tonight," Hikaru said.

"Ha-ru-hi," Kaoru finished.

They walked away from me and I fell face down in the sand, willing my hard on to go away before the girls came to.

"Oh it looks like Haruhi has been invited to a threesome!" Renge's voice came out from behind me, followed by her slightly maniacal cackle.

"Oh please," said Kyouya, "Haruhi would never participate in such lascivious activities."

I nodded dumbly, a thin beard of sand coating my face.

Little did any of us know that I _would_ in fact participate in a three some that very night.

Now that I've whetted your appetites, I feel I owe it to you to skip ahead a little. We had the same amazing crab dinner that we had when I was a girl, but this time I knew better than to stuff myself.

Ok just kidding I didn't and I made myself sick again. But whatever it's not like it's any of your business.

After having rid myself of all the crab I had eaten (and brushed my teeth like there was no tomorrow) I walked down the hall to my room, when a hand appeared out of no where and yanked me into the room on my left. I shut my eyes, not daring to hope.

"Why're you so scared, Ha-ru-hi?" Hikaru said, a laugh hiding at the back of his voice.

I opened my eyes. I had ended up in the twins' room after all, but…

"Where's Kaoru?" I asked. Hikaru shrugged.

"You're not actually thinking of a threesome, are you?" Hikaru asked.

Unsure of what answer he wanted, I shook my head. He smirked at me. We sat down on the edge of their double bed.

"Hikaru…" I began, and then stopped. Here we were, alone in a dark bedroom, and I still couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Haruhi, I think I love you," Hikaru said, ignoring my hesitation.

I looked at him, awestruck. He was staring at the floor, head in his hands.

"I didn't think I was gay…" he said sadly.

"So?" I said, gaining more confidence.

He turned to stare at me.

Now I feel I should warn you all that what follows is rather personal and, to a certain degree, graphic.

Before I could tell him that I loved him too his lips were on mine. It was the same crushing intensity and heat that I had felt on the Ferris wheel. He pushed me back on the bed.

He began unbuttoning my pajamas, without breaking the kiss, while I buried my hands in his hair. We broke apart briefly so I could pull his t-shirt over his head, but were back together in and instant.

My hands slid around his body, until he grabbed one and pulled it downwards. I gasped into the kiss.

Before we knew it we were only in our boxers, pajama pants on the floor, our bodies side by side and touching as much as possible. He was so warm…

I don't think I can tell you everything we did without getting embarrassed, but we were both satisfied at the end, and I had learned what a boy tasted like.

We lay next to each other for a while, our heads pressed together. Slightly sweaty from our frenzy.

I learned something new about boys: after they cum, they become incredibly emotional.

I learned this from the horrible terror that gripped me as I stared into his eyes:

This wasn't real.

He wouldn't remember this.

He was gay and would never feel this way about the real me.

"What's the matter?" he asked softly, his arm running up and down my back.

I closed my eyes.

"Hikaru, I love you," I said. He let out a low laugh and poked me in the ribs.

"Then why are you so sad, dummy?"

I rolled over onto my back and stared at the dark ceiling. I wondered what time it was. I wondered if I should go brush my teeth again.

"Hikaru, would you feel this way if I was a girl?" I asked, still staring up at the ceiling.

He rolled onto his back as well and grabbed my hand.

"I don't know. But it doesn't matter, does it?"

"No."

When I said that I vowed to myself that I would never wish things back to normal, not if I could stay with Hikaru like this.

For a moment, with that decided, everything was perfect.

Except.

Except for that one thing that I should have foreseen:

Kaoru came into the room and saw us lying on our backs, wearing only boxers.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru said. Kaoru looked back and forth between us. We sat up.

"Room for one more?" he asked timidly. Hikaru looked at me.

"I think so, Kaoru," he said.

I let go of his hand and stood up, suddenly the angriest I've ever felt.

"What makes you think it works that way?" I asked Kaoru, who seemed to be growing shorter by the second, "What makes you think I can possibly love you both the same? Do you think you're really equal to me? You're different people. How can someone love two different people at the same time?"

My anger spent, I stormed out of the room. Kaoru was crying, but Hikaru looked impassive.

I ran down the hall blindly, hearing their soft voices fade away.

All I could think was: It's over, it's over, I've ruined it and I'll never be with Hikaru.

Little did I know how wrong I was.

It wasn't my angry outburst that would ruin it with Hikaru.

It was what I did next.


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

So sorry to leave you all hanging with that last bit. Just as a refresher: after I told the twins it was impossible to love them both equally, I ran off.

Later this chapter you'll find out why I needn't have run off, and then you'll slap your foreheads and be like, "Oh Haruhi, _you're_ a scholarship student? Jeez…"

Anyway, as I said before, it was what I did right after I ran off that ruined things with Hikaru (and by the transitive property, Kaoru as well).

I also said something else before. Do you remember what it was? I said that I participated in a threesome that night.

However, as you've probably come to realize, it wasn't with the twins.

I ran blindly into a door that was slightly ajar. Thinking that it was my own room, I entered, eyes closed (because running into a door hurts, you know).

"Mmmm" a soft moan came from my bed. Did I say _my_ bed? My bad, because it definitely wasn't _my_ bed.

Because Kyouya and Tamaki would never be making out in _my_ bed.

"Who's there?" Tamaki said, sitting up. Kyouya sat up with him, arms encircling him from behind. His glasses were on the nightstand and they were both shirtless.

"Oh, sorry to interrupt. Excuse me," I said calmly, averting my eyes. Why calmly? Well because come _on_, it's not like it was _that_ improbable.

"Oh, Haruhi, what's the matter?" Tamaki asked, getting up and grabbing my shoulder as I turned to leave.

"Yea, Haruhi. Weren't you just in the twins' room?" Kyouya asked, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The three of us were only wearing boxers.

Why is it that in times of emotional vulnerability we become physically vulnerable as well?

"I screwed up," I said, walking out of Tamaki's reach but further into the room. Kyouya leaned forward, resting his head on his hand, and arched an eyebrow. Can I just establish something? The Shadow King has never looked sexier. Ever.

"What did you do?" Tamaki sat down elegantly (despite the fact that he was clad in rubber ducky boxers) and began playing with Kyouya's hair. My right leg began to tremble.

"I just can't love them both. I can't love two people equally. Hikaru and Kaoru…they're so different and so similar but I…" I trailed off.

"Sit down, your legs look they're going to give out."

I sat on the bed and immediately I was caught in a tangle of arms.

"It's ok Haruhi…"

A spider, after having spun its web, sits and waits for a bug to fly unwittingly into its trap before revealing itself from the shadows.

"…We understand your predicament."

"Do you?" I asked, skeptical. Tamaki disentangled himself and poured me a small cup of something, while Kyouya rubbed my back.

"Kyouya," I said, taking the drink and sniffing it, "you have nothing to gain from this."

"Drink it," he said, "and rethink your definition of gain."

"It's the perfect way to live, Haruhi. There's no way we could get in trouble, because none of us are girls."

I took a sip. It was sake, as I had suspected. Something in the way Kyouya was rubbing my back made the firey feeling almost pleasant. I drank some more.

"Tell us your problems," Kyouya said, running his hand up and down my leg, which couldn't stop shaking from the touch.

Tamaki nuzzled my neck. I've never seen this side of him before, I guess because he was deluding himself with that whole "daddy" thing.

As I drained the cup of sake something began to dawn on me. In the real world, where I was a girl, Tamaki called everyone a family member. He didn't do that in my wish world.

"Did I upset the club's equilibrium?" I asked, and helped myself to another glass of sake. Kyouya ran a hand through my hair and smirked.

"No, because you're a boy. Not that a girl could ever join the Host Club." To be honest, now that I look back on it, that should have been my first hint. The way that Kyouya seemed on the verge of laughter, like he and I were sharing a private joke, was a dead giveaway. But in my defense, sake dulls the senses.

"I'm in love with Hikaru," I said, "But I don't think he's real." Kyouya didn't look at all surprised, but Tamaki's neck massage paused for a fraction of a second.

"In fact," I said, already on my fourth cup of sake at this point, "I don't think any of you are real. You're just made up because of my stupid wish…"

I'm not really sure what happened after that, mostly fuzzy segments. However, I remember the most horrifying moment in perfect detail, but that will come a little later.

I think Kyouya kissed me on the mouth first, and Tamaki nibbled on my shoulder. That's how it must have started.

At some point we were all naked, and I pulled off Kyouya's glasses and flung them aside.

It all has a dream-like quality to it now. It wasn't like what I had done with Hikaru. It was dirtier…strangely dangerous. Even now I get a slight shiver of revulsion when I think about what I did. With both of them.

But here is the one thing I remember completely and perfectly:

Kyouya was moaning my name, and Tamaki and I were lip-locked, when the door swung open, just a little, and a small parallelogram of light spread on the floor.

"Haruhi?" Hikaru's voice came out so softly I almost thought he was Kaoru. I opened one eye to look at him, and in his furious gaze I saw what he saw: an unintelligible tangle of appendages. Funny how, at that time I was "loving" both Kyouya and Tamaki equally.

He left. Kyouya and Tamaki had not noticed him, and then Kyouya did something to make me moan aloud in spite of my shame, and then…

…well then, I can't really remember much else.

The next morning I woke up with only one other person in my bed, Kyouya. Naturally he was a late sleeper. I felt like my head was full of water, so heavy…My tongue was, at that moment, the most disgusting thing in the world. I don't know why people drink at all.

I left Kyouya sleeping and went into the bathroom to throw up, again. As I walked down the hallway I noticed an eerie silence throughout the hotel. My thoughts slid lazily across my mind:

What time is it?

Where is everyone?

What did I _do_ last night?

I was only wearing boxers as I walked and felt strangely cold. The sun shone in through the bathroom window, but it gave me no warmth. I threw up and then brushed my teeth three times. Yes, three times.

As I left the bathroom, I briefly considered returning to Kyouya, but then my memory of him as the "Low Blood Pressure Evil Lord" steered me quickly away from that option. I went back into my room. The bed was neatly made, seeing as it hadn't been slept in at all, and everything was nice and orderly like I had left it.

It was then that I noticed the time: 2 pm. We had agreed that all of us would be leaving by 1. They had left me with Kyouya.

This time I knew for certain that that never would have happened when I was a girl.

I got dressed and then went to wake Kyouya up. I was still feeling extremely dizzy, and so naturally I fell on him. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for his glare, but I only heard a soft chuckle.

"You're cute when you're scared, Ha-ru-hi."

I jumped back and fell on my butt on the floor. He smiled as he stretched lazily.

"I take it they left us behind?"

I only nodded. He was completely naked, and I was staring at the floor to hide my blush.

"Haruhi, the way you behave, I wouldn't believe that we had sex last night," he said in his low, mocking way.

I just nodded but looked at him. He called for a car and then got dressed. I watched him, dazed, replaying the events (or what I remembered of them) of the night before in my mind.

"He saw us," I said. Kyouya shrugged.

"What are you going to do now, Haruhi?"

"Apologize."

He laughed almost cruelly.

"That won't be enough. But you always have another chance."

That should have been my second clue. Another chance… However I was trying to stop the world from spinning, and so I didn't pay it much attention at the time.

"I already ruined it anyway. I told him that I couldn't be with both of them. It's true."

"It is true."

"So it doesn't matter."

"But it does."

We were walking down to the lobby now with our small bags on a bellhop's cart (even though we blatantly could have carried them ourselves).

"Why does it matter?" I asked, irritated and confused. Kyouya smiled and caught me under the chin.

"Such lovely eyes, Haruhi. You could almost be a _girl_." Third clue. Still, I was oblivious.

We got into the car, and I stared resolutely out the window. Eventually Kyouya sighed and patted my head.

"I think you're exactly what Hikaru wants, Haruhi. He wants someone to like him better than his twin, to not treat them like a set."

"I guess…So then…"

"So then we fucked it up big time, huh?" he said, smiling cheerfully and pinching my cheek.

"Why so affectionate?" I asked, brushing his hand away. The magnitude of my mistake had yet to reach my hung-over brain, and for a moment I stupidly grinned back at him.

"Don't get me wrong Haruhi, what we did was just for fun," he said, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, "and what fun it was…"

And then, with astonishing clarity, the furious look on Hikaru's face came to the surface of my mind. I think I started crying at some point, because before I knew it I was being hugged and the fabric in front of my face was quite wet.

"It's ok. You'll just have to win the game," he said, rubbing my back.

"The game?" I whispered. We were nearing my house.

"You have to win him back." He smiled widely at me and patted my head.

After he had left I sat on my bed thinking for a long time. Eventually, I formulated a plan:

Get Hikaru Back Plan One:

Go apologize and explain the situation.

End of plan.

Talking always sorts everything out, right? Right. Wrong.

I had no idea how deeply I had hurt him. Not yet, anyway.

This was one of several plans that I attempted during my last two weeks as a boy. Little did I know that only the most drastic one would work.

You'll be surprised to know that my dad and Renge had a lot to do with that last plan.

You may be asking, "Why bother when you only have two weeks?"

Quite a rational and logical question. Quite.

However, who said that love was rational and logical?

Anyway, as you'll find out (like I did), you never get a free do-over at life. Everything comes with a price, whether you're rich or poor.


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

School the following Monday was terrible. I spend most of my day with the twins, who seemed determined to ignore my existence. However, ignoring my existence included a whoopee cushion on my chair, spilling various liquids on me throughout the day, and pants-ing me in front of the entire class. Why did I choose that day of all days to wear my Santa Claus boxers? Since when did I even have Santa Claus boxers?

"Look, guys, Fujioka's ahead of the game!" Hikaru taunted.

"Oh, Haruhi, it's October…" Renge said softly, blushing.

I only sighed and pulled my pants back up. Kaoru was laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes, and Hikaru was boasting to some girls while the teacher failed utterly to regain control of the class. (What the hell are those teachers there for, anyway?)

"Yea, Fujioka is always so out of it. We have to keep him in line, don't we, Kaoru?" Hikaru sneered at me over the heads of the love-struck girls.

"Oh yes, Ha-Fujioka is such a naughty boy!" Kaoru called back, smacking his knee and erupting into still more peals of laughter.

"But Hikaru, don't the members of the Host Club refer to each other by their first names?" Renge asked, looking slightly pissed.

"Fujioka is an outsider!" Hikaru and Kaoru said simultaneously, "He's only there cause he's clumsy."

The class laughed at me. My ears turned red. In my anger, I resolved that I would not ask for anyone's help in dealing with this.

Not even when they poured salt in my drink when I wasn't looking.

Not even when they sabotaged my binder so that all my papers fell everywhere.

Not even when they tore my copy of the Iliad in half.

But when they attacked my fable, I had an issue.

That fable, for French class, that I had spent five solid hours on, was torn to shreds. I had worked so hard on it! The moral was that one must be forgiving. Maybe that's what ticked them off.

Maybe because I was still a girl on the inside, and maybe because my eyes were already stinging from the hairspray that seemed to magically hit my face with every step, but when they tore up my fable, I started to cry.

Not in front of them, don't get me wrong. But after I ran into…you guessed it, the girl's bathroom. Thank god for my stupidity.

Because in the bathroom was Renge, secretly working on her Host Club doujinshi to add the latest Hikaru and Kaoru hating Haruhi episode.

"Oh Haruhi, what brings you here?" Renge asked calmly, as if my male presence in a girl's bathroom was completely normal.

I said nothing, only watched her quietly, waiting for her to realize that something was horribly amiss. I was rewarded when she looked around and gasped.

"Haruhi! This is the _girl's_ bathroom! What are you doing here?" I expected her to get angry, but instead she put her hands on my chest and started feeling around.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked, horribly nervous at the sudden contact. At that moment, I realized something terrible:

I wasn't gay. I was bi. I guess it runs in the family.

"You're cross-dressing as a boy, aren't you, Haruhi? You owe Kyouya something and so now you're working in the Host Club! I could eat ten bowls of rice!"

Her hands were now wandering all over, and I felt myself turn bright red. She found my ultra embarrassing dead-giveaway and paused.

"Oh. I guess not." She then backed off, much to my relief.

"So what brings you here, Haruhi?"

I looked around for the first time. I had never been in the girl's bathroom, even when I was a girl, and was awestruck by its splendor. There were three huge chandeliers, and potpourris everywhere. The floors were marble, and each stall was flanked by Corinthian columns. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google image it or something. Also, the toilet seats were solid gold.

Ok, just kidding about that last part. Hah? Not even a chuckle…

"Hikaru and Kaoru…" I said quietly, my lip beginning to quiver. 'Boys don't cry!' I thought to myself over and over.

To my surprise, I was enveloped in a hug. Renge patted my back and whispered 'It's ok.'

Just as I began to hug her back, we heard the door open, and she pulled me into a stall. Two girls were drooling over Tamaki. If only they knew he was gay…

"I'm going to help you," Renge said, smiling mischievously at me. The close proximity made everything very warm, but I was relieved that _someone_ was on my side.

And so, that afternoon at the Host Club, I put Renge's Plan # 1 into action:

I gave Tamaki and Kyouya the ultra-cold shoulder and didn't talk to them at all, while being as friendly as possible with Hikaru and Kaoru.

However, the latter pair was giving _me _the ultra-cold shoulder, and so I actually ended up hanging out with Mori and Honey. Sigh.

As I listened to their idle chatter, I found myself facing a strange question:

Was anyone in the Host Club completely straight?

Don't answer that. I changed my mind. I don't want to know.

So Plan # 1 was a bust, and my initial idea hadn't worked either. The next day, Renge decided to try Plan # 2:

I left Hikaru and Kaoru little presents everywhere, with clues leading to the next one:

Example: I hid a jar of maple syrup in Hikaru's desk with a note saying "Where this comes from you will find another present hidden behind."

Very clever, I thought (it even rhymed!). However, Hikaru didn't know that maple syrup came from _maple trees_ but instead thought they came from the _commoner grocery store_. He then figured it was from me and left me a present in return.

Some of the maple syrup on my seat.

No jar included.

So Wednesday, Renge thought up her third Plan, which would take up both Wednesday and Thursday: Kidnap the twins.

Yes, it was a little desperate, but I had received 20 wedgies in the past 48 hours.

Renge had them taken hostage by some Yakuza guys on their way to the Host Club. Unfortunately, the twins had had a little maple syrup left over. What a mess.

But, in the end, we had taken them hostage at Renge's house, and the four of us were locked up in Renge's room.

"This is illegal," Hikaru whined, straining against his ropes.

"Who cares?" Renge seethed, "You're being so cruel to Haruhi!"

The twins laughed. I looked away and noticed a table filled with Kyouya dolls. Jeez.

"Did he tell you what he did?" Kaoru asked, raising an eyebrow. Renge faltered. I tried to speak in my own defense, but Hikaru's voice drowned mine out.

"He cheated on me! After he told me and Kaoru that there was no way to love two people at once, he went and slept with both Kyouya _and_ my lord!" Hikaru had begun to cry, and Kaoru leaned against him.

"We will never forgive you," he said angrily, glaring at me.

To be honest, when they said it like that, there was no excuse I could make that sounded plausible.

Renge stared at the ground.

"I think that's enough for today," she said, her voice small and meek.

"Renge—"

"—I said that's enough!" she yelled, and looked up at me. She was crying. I stood up and left. There was nothing I could say or do.

I had lost my last ally. I had no one I could turn to for help.

On Thursday their bullying had taken on a new viciousness.

I don't think you want to know the details, just know that I looked extremely battered when I came home from school.

So battered that my dad sat me down to have a discussion.

"Haruhi, are you really happy at Ouran?" he asked, watching me as I prepared some tea.

"Y-yea, what makes you ask?" I lied, pretending to do something complicated with the stove.

"I got a call today from the headmaster. Apparently you haven't been doing your homework."

Ah, that's right. In the excitement of everything that happened that week, I had not done a single homework assignment. My French fable lay half finished on the floor of my room. I couldn't get anything to rhyme with "feuille" except "écureuil" meaning I would be rhyming sheet with squirrel, which really had nothing to do with my poem.

"Is that Host Club doing this to you, Haruhi?" my dad asked with a tone indicating that he knew the answer.

"Dad, how did you know that you loved Mom?" I asked softly. I had my back to him, but I could tell he was mildly bewildered.

"Eh? Well to be honest, it was because every time she got abusive with me, I kept coming back for more…" he sighed dreamily. Fujioka's are weird, alright.

Friday, Renge approached me before school. I was afraid at first, thinking that she had joined the bully brigade.

"Haruhi, I have one final plan for you…" she said, pretending, apparently, that Wednesday evening had never happened.

"Go out with me," she said firmly.

I was not expecting that.

I mean really, who was?

"You'll make him jealous, and he'll realize—"

"—Sorry Renge, but I have another plan in mind," I said, interrupting her with a raised hand, "I need to borrow something from you."

When I got home—what? Did you really think I'd tell you what I borrowed? That would ruin it!—anyway, when I got home, I waited patiently for my dad to come home.

I had one week left as a boy, and I was going to turn my luck around.

This time, my plan would not fail.


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

And so this chapter is when the shit hits the fan. You're not going to believe the audacity of a certain Kyouya Ootori when I am finished.

So anyway, with some help from my dad, I was finally ready to go to school on Monday.

At first, no one looked twice at me. I walked calmly to class, put my bag down and sat patiently waiting for everyone to arrive.

When Renge came in she winked at me. I winked back. No one had noticed yet. Everything was going well.

Finally the twins arrived, laughing and joking around as usual. I was sitting such that they were separated, smiling cheekily at them. When they reached me, at first they didn't recognize me.

"Hey, princess, I'm terribly sorry, but that is my seat you're in," Hikaru said smoothly, leaning against my desk and grinning. I only smiled back, and gradually the smile faded from his face. He looked mildly peeved.

"I'm serious, sweetheart, I can't bear to be away from my brother during class!" With the word sweetheart, he caught himself before he got angry and switched into "brotherly love" mode. I laughed as he and Kaoru launched into one of their silly routines. Oddly, I didn't find it as attractive as I first did as a boy. I guessed that being bullied can have that effect on people.

"Hey, uhm, Hikaru…" Kaoru said softly, tugging on his brother's sleeve as he preened in front of a group of drooling girls. Kaoru has always been the smarter twin. I beamed proudly at him. Hikaru got down on one knee and kissed his brother's hand for dramatic effect, but it remained limply at his side. Finally Hikaru paid some attention.

"What, Kaoru?" He followed Kaoru's dumbstruck gaze to my smiling face. I winked at the two of them. Kaoru's ears turned red with anger, but Hikaru looked nonplussed. I find his stupidity so endearing sometimes.

"Hey Renge," Kaoru said in a strange voice, without taking his eyes off me, "Did you have anything to do with this?" Hikaru looked at his brother quizzically.

Renge replied that she did not know what "this" he was referring to and then remarked that the teacher was quite late that day.

Some of the kids had stopped chatting amongst themselves and were now watching the little showdown between me and Kaoru. Hikaru looked around the classroom, and then wondered aloud: "Where's Fujioka today?"

Kaoru fell over. I snorted. Very unladylike. Hikaru's attention snapped to me.

"Something funny, _princess_?" Hikaru asked, trying and failing to maintain his Host Club composure. I smirked and shook my head. I couldn't speak for fear of being discovered. The entire class was now whispering, giving the room an ominous buzzing sound. I glanced at the clock. The teacher was about ten minutes late now.

Kaoru recovered and placed a hand on Hikaru's shoulder. He pulled him close and whispered something in his ear. I didn't need to hear it to know that I had been given away at last. Hikaru's face turned a mild aubergine. That's a fancy word for purple.

"Renge," Hikaru said in a strange voice, without looking at me, "Did you have anything to do with this?" Kaoru smacked himself in the forehead.

I laughed out loud, and it became clear to all present that despite the fact that I was wearing a girl's uniform, a wig and some makeup, I was most definitely a guy. The entire class began laughing as well. Only Hikaru and Kaoru didn't seem to think it was funny. After all, they had been completely out-pranked.

The teacher finally arrived, about thirty minutes into class, when Hikaru and Kaoru had resigned themselves to sitting on either side of me. We opened up our books and began reading _Twelfth Night_ by Billy Shakespeare. Please tell me you get the joke.

That afternoon, I set the second phase of my plan in motion by pulling Kyouya aside before Host Club began:

"I would like to ask for a one week vacation from Host Club duties," I said. Without looking up from his clipboard, Kyouya asked me why.

"Because I would like to be a customer," I said. He hadn't even noticed that I was dressed as a girl.

"Very well, but it will add to your debt," he said, making little notes in one of his notebooks. I nodded and turned away, but I swear I heard him whisper that cross-dressers were bad for business anyway. I turned around and called back.

"One more thing!"

"Mm?"

"I would like to designate Hikaru today! I want to designate him all week!" I said triumphantly. Kyouya nodded and waved me away.

Hikaru did not look pleased when I came for tea that afternoon. He didn't say a word to me for about five minutes, until Kyouya came by and whispered all the terrible things he would do to him if he lost a customer.

After that, it was relatively smooth sailing. Hikaru pretended that he did not know me, and I pretended to be one of his fan girls. We talked about nothing at all, until I cracked a joke and he genuinely laughed. When he stopped, he stared at me.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked suspiciously. I smiled.

"I think you know." I took his hand. He let me have it for about thirty seconds before taking it away. We sat in a strangely comfortable silence for the rest of my designation time.

The rest of my week went pretty smoothly. Just like how in the real world, no teacher noticed when I went from girl to boy, here no one noticed the switch from boy to girl. My fellow students were more supportive than I had anticipated, probably because they were happy to see someone get the better of the Hitachiin brothers.

My dad had never been more proud of me for following in his footsteps. What a weirdo. Renge, of course, now had plenty of fodder for her doujinshi and was extremely happy.

Everyone at the Host club noticed the switch except Tamaki, who assumed I was sick or something and made hilarious statements such as "If only Haruhi were here to help me with this" while I was sitting right in front of him. He really is an idiot.

I felt that I was making more progress with Hikaru every day. He seemed much more comfortable with the "girl" me than with the "normal" me. However, the last day came around when the fountain was finally fixed, and he and I hadn't talked about forgiveness or love or anything. That last Friday at the Host Club, I told him that this was the last time we'd be seeing each other in this world.

He, of course, misunderstood me completely, much to my amusement.

"Haruhi, are you contemplating suicide?" he asked, completely serious. I smiled sadly at the tablecloth. I couldn't tell him the truth. He'd think I was crazy, and then he'd have me committed, and then I'd never get to the fountain, and then I'd be stuck in this ridiculous alternate universe forever. Apparently the very thought of this made me shake my head furiously, because Hikaru then said:

"Good, because I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you." He caught himself too late and blushed. I smiled at him. That was all I needed to hear, really. Those at the tables around us applauded. The fat girl who used to designate me gave us a standing ovation.

Happily, I let Hikaru walk me home from school. As we approached the fountain, my heart began to race. This was the end, I was finally going to be normal. When we reached it, I stopped. Hikaru stopped as well and handed me a coin. I was so nervous about the wish I was about to make that I didn't even consider the weirdness of Hikaru's behavior.

Gently I tossed the coin in, closed my eyes and thought as hard as I could, "I wish everything was back to normal."

Suddenly, I heard music. This struck me as odd, because it was the very same music I often heard Renge humming to herself. I cautiously opened an eye. In front of me, credits were rolling. When I say that, I mean that in front of the fountain, names and stuff were sliding from the sky. Hikaru completely forgotten, I reached out to touch the Ootori group's name as it fell.

"That's enough. End simulation," a curt voice that sounded suspiciously familiar said right by my ear. I turned to look, and after a horrible whirling sensation, I found myself in my room, with a bunch of wires hooked up to my body and a helmet on my head. I suddenly had a vague inkling of what was going on.

I sat up slowly, still feeling a little queasy, and looked around. There was a large machine next to me, surrounded by guys in white coats. On my other side stood Kyouya, scribbling in his notebook, a set of wires and a helmet discarded on the floor.

"Haruhi! That was amazing!" Renge yelled, and my head snapped to the foot of my futon, where Renge sat pulling off her helmet daintily.

I both knew and had no idea what was going on. I glared at Kyouya, waiting to hear his excuse.

"Now Haruhi, I know you're going to be a little upset," Kyouya said, "But all testing of 'Doki Doki Memorial 3: Virtual Romance' was safe and done with the consent of your father."

Ah. I've never had such a good scream in my life.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

But that wasn't the end of the story. Not by a long shot.

After allowing Renge to berate him for ten whole minutes (because it was _Uki_Doki, not _Doki_Doki), Kyouya invited me, Renge, and my cowering father out to sushi. I gave him a disgusted look and noticed that he was wearing a very _expensive_ looking fur coat.

I grabbed it off him, scowling. He whimpered. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm a member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, for those of you that don't know), but it made me sick to think my _dad_ sold me out for FREAKING FUR COAT.

Sorry, I got a little angry remembering it.

So we went with that Ootori bastard to the most expensive sushi place in the area. In fact, it was the same one I had visited during my "free-trial experimental run" of UkiDoki 3. Kyouya smiled as my forehead creased into a frown.

Sick, sick bastard.

We were seated immediately, inconsiderately cutting the line of "commoners" at the entrance. I wanted to apologize, but instead stared at the floor.

Kyouya took the gracious liberty of ordering nothing but ootoro for us, but I wouldn't be bought that easily. Nonetheless, I ate as though I had four stomachs.

"Now Haruhi, I know you may feel a little angry, but wasn't it fun?" Kyouya said, smiling at me as I ate.

"Fuck no," I replied resolutely.

Completely undeterred, Kyouya continued to prod at me: "Now Haruhi, with an attitude like that, something bad may happen to you."

I stopped eating and stared at him. "What the hell are you playing at?" I asked, arching a brow. My dad was hiding under the table and Renge was counting the grains of rice in one piece of ootoro. To think I was feeling so grateful to them only an hour ago.

"Now Haruhi, I think you should be aware that one of the fantastic new features of UkiDoki Memorial 3: Virtual Romance is the playback feature, meaning that the player, after having beaten the game, can then watch themselves on a television screen. Not only that, but it can also be…recorded."

He held up a small disk. I felt my face go red, realizing that my embarrassing hormone-driven homosexual romance with Hikaru was on it.

"You little shit," I whispered. Renge and my dad winced. "What else do you have to tell me?" I asked, looking away from everyone at the table.

"Well, it was tough using you as a test subject, Haruhi, so we had to give you little pushes here and there," he said evilly, fingering the disk gingerly. I felt my hands start shaking.

"What kind of pushes?" I asked, my voice soft and meek. I really didn't want to know, but at the same time, I couldn't help myself.

"Well we had to turn up your sex drive, you boring, boring person, and we used the brand new multiplayer capability from time to time. Renge and I helped you quite a bit, since you are so unromantic."

"Oh yea, because you're a real Cassanova," I spat, my face turning crimson. I stood up and glared at Kyouya. Renge and my dad escaped by crawling under the table and then fled from the restaurant.

"I forgot to mention the best part, Haruhi. This may cheer you up a bit," he handed me a paper. I grabbed it so hard that it crumpled a little.

It was a form saying that my debt had been cleared, and that I no longer was obligated to participate in the Host Club.

"Good, because if I ever see your face again, I may just throw up. You're sick," I said, my voice quivering. I left the restaurant still rereading the paper.

I was free.

When I got home my dad was not there. I really did not care. I went straight to my closet and pulled out my uniform. Then I took some money and began walking to school. In case you're wondering, the game had taken up an entire day, so now it was Tuesday. I had missed two days of school, which made me very angry. At least Kyouya and Renge had missed school too.

It was four in the afternoon. Most of the kids were gone, but I knew that the third music room was still busy. I walked to the uniform office and set my old suit on the counter. The lady looked up and smiled. I smiled back, but I think it came out as more of a grimace because of how taken aback she looked.

"Is…is something the matter, son?" the lady asked, not making eye contact any longer.

"Yes," I replied, as-a-matter-of-factly, "I'm a girl."

If the lady was surprised that it had taken me half a semester to discover the discrepancy between my gender and my uniform, she did not show it. She merely took my uniform and handed me the yellow dress that is the girl's uniform at Ouran.

I got undressed and put it on. Yes, in the middle of the office. I was mad, ok? I wondered if my father would get a call from the school to notify him that I had changed my gender. Whatever.

What did I do after that? I went to the Host Club, of course.

I guess maybe some part of me blamed the entire rest of the Host Club for letting Kyouya do whatever the hell he wanted. I walked down the hallway, steaming mad and readying my big speech.

However, I was intercepted by four bodyguard types wearing the Ootori family crest. Bastards.

In front of my face, so close I could barely read it, was a copy of the form announcing my release from the Host Club.

"Read the fine print, please." Kyouya's smug voice came from somewhere behind the paper.

I had to twist my neck a little, but I managed to read the accursed sentence at the bottom of the page:

"In the event that Fujioka Haruhi reveals her participation in the free-trial experimental run of UkiDoki Memorial 3: Virtual Romance to any other students at Ouran High School, the Ootori Group will be forced to take legal action as outlined in the contract signed by the parent/legal guardian of the aforementioned Fujioka Haruhi."

Son of a bitch.

I was then released and realized that it was actually only two bodyguard types. Kyouya went into the music room first, and after taking several deep breaths to recover from the shock, I followed.

When I opened the door, I walked into…

A circus. Literally.

Tamaki, dressed as a clown who looked more threatening than attractive, greeted me at the door with his usual "Welcome, Princess."

Then he fainted. This went unnoticed by the rest of the Host Club.

Next came Honey, who rolled over, standing on a ball and wearing a tutu. He was accompanied by Mori, the Strong Man. Honey gasped, and Mori's eyes widened slightly (or that could have been a trick of the light). I pressed my finger to my lips to shush them and tiptoed up to talk to them about my new debt-free status, but I was interrupted by…

You guessed it.

The Siamese Twins.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

I was trapped.

Trapped in a knot of appendages, wrapped around me, hands fingering my dress, playing with my hair, pinching my cheeks, and one hand in particular…

"Get _out_ of my dress, Hikaru!" I yelled, stomping on his foot and getting Kaoru's instead.

How did I know it was Hikaru's? Lucky guess, I swear. Whatever, leave me alone.

"Haruhi, why didn't you tell us you were freed of your debt?" Honey whined, tugging on my skirt. Mori even managed to look curious. Or maybe it was the light.

"Yea? What happened, my darling daughter?" Tamaki had somehow come to. That lump.

"And where have you been? School is so boring without you…" Hikaru said, looking away from me. Kaoru leaned forward and pinched my cheek affectionately.

"Haruhi received a special designation from Renge, which pays off her entire debt," Kyouya condescended to inform them.

Everyone cheered and immediately began a party. Honey thrust some cakes into my arms and Tamaki danced around with his designations. The girls both sighed and applauded. Strangely, none of them were that surprised that I was actually a girl. Oh well.

Kaoru turned on a conveniently placed stereo and Mori got out some crackers and hats.

"Let the party begin!" Tamaki said in his usual melodramatic way. Kyouya began doing some calculations. He smiled at me, as if to assure me that no, it wouldn't be added to my debt again. I looked away, still angry with him.

One person was not at all happy and wasn't participating in the party. Hikaru just stood there staring blankly at me. Everyone else had discarded their circus costume, but there he was, one half of a Siamese twin. I stared back, and then suddenly remembered that he had been my "number one" during my trial run of UkiDoki 3. I blushed in spite of myself and looked away.

"Haruhi," Hikaru said, "You won't be coming here anymore, will you?"

He had said it softly, but somehow, everyone heard and stared at me. Taken by surprise, I fumbled with my hands and looked at the floor.

I had never thought that far ahead. Not once. I had just assumed that the greedy leech that is Kyouya Ootori would keep me working in this stupid club until he graduated.

What _would_ I do now? I had no other friends, and…

For some reason, the idea of never hanging out with them again was really, really painful.

Except maybe Kyouya. Him I could stand to never see again. Bastard.

As I mused about what to say, everyone simply continued to stare. Finally, Tamaki had a boneheaded idea and felt the need to voice it to everyone.

"That's exactly why Haruhi must have a boyfriend! Yes, and you know what they say, Daddy knows best about these things!"

He waltzed over and put his arm around me. I stomped on his foot as hard as I could and then grabbed him by the collar.

"You idiot! Even if you _were_ my dad, this would be incest! And on top of that, I have no need for a stupid boyfriend like you! I don't need one at all!" I yelled, shaking him furiously.

I felt another arm around my shoulder. Honey was standing on tiptoes.

"Yea, Tamaki, Haru-chan would rather date someone more mature like me!" he said, completely seriously.

I tried, I really did, but I couldn't help it. I laughed. How cruel of me. Honey's eyes welled up with tears and he ran to his precious Takashi. Mori patted him on the head gently and then glared at me. Or maybe it was just the light.

"Now, now, let's let Haruhi choose for herself who she wants," Kyouya said calmly, not looking up from his notes.

Kaoru snickered and elbowed Hikaru, whispering some kind of joke. Hikaru didn't react at all. In fact, Hikaru continued to stare at me with a hopeless intensity that was beginning to make me feel very uneasy.

"Haruhi," Hikaru said calmly, "Let's go on a date tomorrow."

I stared at him, and then nodded. And don't bother asking me why, because it's not like I know. Kaoru smiled happily, singing "A date with Haruhi, a date with Haruhi!"

Hikaru turned his head slowly. With his eyes no longer boring into me, I felt as though a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Hikaru put a hand over Kaoru's singing mouth.

"Not you. Just me and her."

Everyone in the Host Club was hushed. Tamaki had long ago retreated to his mushroom room, and now every boy and girl was staring at Hikaru.

"Uhm, well it was nice to see you all, I-I better get going. See ya!"

I ran out of there like my life depended on it. I ran all the way to my teacher's office and picked up the homework assignments I missed, and then I would have run straight home if I hadn't been intercepted by none other than the person I wanted the least to see.

"Go away Kyouya. I hate you," I said simply, and then tried to go around him. He put his hand on my forehead, effectively preventing me from going anywhere.

"Now, now, Haruhi, what's the matter? Why are you going on a date with Hikaru?"

I blushed a little bit and then backed away from him. I glared at his smirking face. Why did girls even designate this terrible sort of person? It makes me sick.

"Get the Hell out of my way, you've played with me enough, don't you think?"

"Oh Haruhi, is that any way to talk to a man that you've slept with?"

"I have not slept with you—oh god." I said, the color draining from my face. I suddenly felt very cold inside.

"What you did with Hikaru and Tamaki was just the game, but I was the real thing.

"No you weren't we were both men and it WAS in the game, you know."

"Hm, well, if I was playing it and you were playing it, I'm pretty sure it counts."

"Whatever!" I yelled, getting extremely irritated. His smirk grew wider and I yelled again, "It's not like it matters, it's because you messed with my sex drive, you sick, twisted, pathetic, evil—"

"That's not very nice, Haruhi," Kyouya interrupted me with a hand on my lips, "They _were_ based on your fantasies, you know."

My mouth fell open and my eyes grew wide.

"Don't you think, that if your sex drive were turned up, you would have been equally attracted to Kaoru? I mean, if it was strictly looks that were attracting you. And what I find especially interesting are your homosexual fantasies regarding me and Tamaki—"

"I have no such fantasies!" I shouted, recovering from my initial shock, "Don't you know that I don't have any fantasies at all!" I yelled. Tears were forming in my eyes, I was so angry.

"Consciously," he said simply.

"Excuse me?" my eyebrow twitched.

"You don't have any fantasies _consciously_, but you do have them."

"When?" I growled.

"Why, when you dream, darling Haruhi."

At that point I ran away, my face burning up in shame and embarrassment. The lousy son of a bitch let me go, smiling at me as I ran.

I thought frantically about it, I had never been _really_ attracted to any of the Host Club members. Why was this happening to me?

To top it all off, I had a date the next day after school with Hikaru.

The person by whom I was most ashamed to be seen.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

There was a teenage girl in my house. On my way out the door to school I stopped and suddenly noticed her. She was wearing the Ouran uniform, like me. She had a headband in her hair.

Tentatively, I raised my hand to wave.

She waved back.

I felt uncomfortable. She looked uncomfortable too.

Slowly, I took a few steps towards her. She took a few steps towards me, and I found myself face to face with her much sooner than expected.

I raised my hand. She raised hers, and they touched.

It was from this brusque and unsettlingly cold contact that I realized it had been a mirror after all.

Without another word, I left for school.

Before I tell you about my date with Hikaru, which I'm sure you're dying to hear about, I should tell you what I did the night before. Because it concerns you. Yes, you.

After having calmed my rage against my father, I sat down at my computer. I decided that if ever I had a chance against Kyouya Ootori, I had better damned well be prepared.

So I began typing.

And that's how I got here. Not all at once, of course. But a little bit, every day. And now the world will know the pain I have suffered at the hands of an enterprising teenage boy.

Now then, on to school.

No one was very surprised when I arrived at school. The girls still said hi to me, and still called me Haruhi-_kun_ and not Haruhi-_san_. Before it used to make very little difference to me, but after my hair-raising experience as an _actual_ boy, I had become much more conscious of my gender.

I simply smiled and waved in reply, when it hit me:

They thought I was a _boy_ cross-dressing as a _girl_.

That was an issue.

When I got to class, Hikaru and Kaoru made a big show of pulling out my chair for me, and taking my books for me, and calling me Haruhi-_chan_, and telling me I looked really cute that day, and you get the idea.

However, that didn't change the fact that all the boys in class were looking at me funny. The air was slightly more hostile than I had expected. I decided I would tell Kyouya that real people took to cross-dressing less happily than game-people.

I don't really talk a lot in class, so I managed to get through the day without the teacher noticing. I paid strict attention to my studies, like I always do, but found my eyes slipping to the right, where Hikaru was doodling strange curvy spirals on his notes. Kaoru, I knew, drew geometric shapes. If you pay enough attention to them, you can see that they're really not alike at all.

When Hikaru noticed me looking, he smiled. My heart did a funny ba-bump and I remember thinking I should see a doctor. It made me think about what Kyouya had said the day before:

"_Don't you think, that if your sex drive were turned up, you would have been equally attracted to Kaoru? I mean, if it was strictly looks that were attracting you."_

Did that mean that I had had some initial attraction to Hikaru? And why had he asked me out on a date?

I was so wrapped up in these musings that I failed to notice the looks going back and forth between the guys in the room.

To avoid attracting the attention of the teacher, I waited until he had left the room before even packing up my stuff. I'm a very non-confrontational person, I confess.

"Haruhi, I will meet you in front of the school in a few minutes. I have some things I need to take care of first," Hikaru said over his shoulder as he, followed by a rather sullen Kaoru, left the classroom.

I stood up to leave and follow, but my way was blocked by the ultra-meek class representative, Souga Kazukiyo.

"What's the matter Souga?" I asked, remembering the time he had begged my help about the test of courage. He's a coward, really.

"We should be asking you that, Fujioka," a boy I did not recognize said menacingly.

The rest echoed his sentiments. A cold feeling of fear began to seep into my stomach. I looked at Souga, wide-eyed.

"I looked up to you," he said, on the verge of tears, "We were fellow men!"

"Wait," I said, throwing my hands up in defense, "I can explain—"

I was cut off by a loud grown. I had used _atashi_, the female version of "I" instead of the male _ore_ or _boku_ that I used to use.

"You make me sick," a rather large boy said, shaking his head.

"Now guys seriously, listen, when I tell you the whole story you're going to laugh. I promise," I continued to plead.

"Laugh at this!" Souga shouted, and he pushed me back. I tripped over my chair and hit the floor hard.

"Souga, why are you—" I began, getting up and backing away. They pressed in tighter.

"Fujioka, take that—disgusting—thing—OFF!" they shouted, and at once all of their hands were clutching at my uniform. They gave a great heave and…

The front half of my dress tore off completely.

So, yes, I was standing in my undies.

Just for clarification purposes, my undies consist of panties and a bra for my small, yet clearly present breasts.

Now, since I _did_ manage to successfully pose as a boy for a long-ass time, I can safely say that I'm no hot tamale. But I'm mildly proud/mortified to say that I did see a couple nosebleeds.

Hikaru picked that delightfully fun and happy moment to come in and check on me.

"Haruhi, what's taking so long?" his slightly arrogant voice echoed in the silent room.

At that point, Souga fainted and everyone else made a mad dash for the door. I have reason to believe that both Souga and Hikaru were well trampled.

"Haru…hi?" Hikaru said, mildly surprised by the stampede. He stepped in the room, but then recoiled immediately when he noticed Souga on the floor. Side-stepping the unconscious body gracefully, Hikaru said,

"Geez, Haruhi, what did you do to scare him so…bad…"

Yes, you are correct in your assertion that at the location of the first "…" between "so" and "bad," Hikaru looked at me for the first time. His face turned red. My face turned red too. I turned around, so that he could only see the backside of my yellow dress. It wasn't really like a dress anymore, more like a really long coat.

"What happened?" he asked, after a very, _very_ pregnant pause.

"Oh, no big. They just thought I was cross-dressing," I said, sounding a lot more calm than I felt. My heart was racing.

"Let me go to the uniform office and get you a new one," he said softly. He walked out, his footsteps ringing in the hallway.

I let out a sigh of relief and then promptly began hitting my head against the wall. Why hadn't I turned around _before_ he saw me? I was such a fool.

I heard footsteps in the hallway again, and turned around to face the wall like before. Hikaru announced himself softly and then walked up behind me, holding the uniform in front of me, his arm sort-of around me.

"Thanks," I said, and I twisted around a little to make eye contact and realized that he was closer than I had originally thought.

Much, much closer. Our lips were almost touching.

However, we soon snapped out of it and he excused himself to let me change. My heart-rate had once again escalated to a dangerous level. Again, it occurred to me that I might need a doctor as I pulled on the new dress.

"I'm ready to go," I said, trying to keep calm as I stepped out. Hikaru looked flushed.

"Let's go. How does sushi sound?" he asked, smirking at me.

"Delicious," I replied, returning the smirk.

Once again, the same sushi place I had visited both in the game and with Kyouya. Hikaru ordered me a huge amount of ootoro, and we talked about school for a while.

"Calculus is raping me," he sighed, taking a long sip of water. I waited until I had finished chewing before replying:

"If you want, I could tutor you." He looked up and smiled.

"Thanks, but Kaoru's doing well, I'm sure he could help me…" his smile faded and he looked sad.

"What's wrong? Are things not going well between you two?" I asked, before attacking another piece.

"He's sleeping over at Honey's tonight. He says he needs to think by himself," Hikaru said, looking as though he didn't understand at all.

"You should leave him be for now. Why don't you come over tomorrow? We'll work on the next assignment together," I insisted. Where was all of this confidence coming from? Why did I want to help him so much?

Hikaru looked like he was asking himself similar questions, but in the end he agreed. We finished off the meal by making Tamaki-jokes. I felt a little guilty, but he really sets himself up for it, you know?

It had been, overall, a very good day.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

I was putting on make-up.

I know, I know, that never happens. But for some reason, when I looked in the mirror that morning, I felt the need to put on a little make-up.

It was still a little shocking to see myself in the yellow Ouran uniform. My dad was very happy, though, and was watching me put on make-up with a very proud look on his face.

When I returned home from my date with Hikaru the night before, he and I had had a sort of reconciliation-type-thing. So yea, things were ok now. He was walking on thin ice, though.

"Haruhi, you're going to be late," he said as I clumsily put on some mascara.

"Ok," I called back. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the door.

"So what's the occasion?" my dad asked slyly as he opened the door for me.

"Oh, you know," I replied, not really sure what to say, "I just felt like it is all."

He blatantly didn't believe me but simply smiled.

"And Dad," I said, pausing before I went through the door, "a friend is coming home with me from school. We're going to work on our math homework."

My dad only nodded and I left the house, blushing for no reason whatsoever.

When I got to school, pretty much everyone was staring at me. I guess word had gotten out that I had actually been a girl the entire time. The guys all looked apologetic, but the girls were clearly livid.

I sighed and braced myself for another round of bullying as Hikaru ran out to meet me.

"Come on Haruhi, let's go to class," he said, taking my arm. I wondered when that started making me nervous. Hikaru touching me, I mean.

Naturally, I had hate mail in my locker and someone had written "Whore" on my desk. This is the way women solve their problems, I guess. Ugh.

The teacher noticed today that I was female, but he didn't appear surprised. This is because he met my dad for a parent-teacher conference. 'Cross-dressing must run in their family,' he must have thought to himself when he saw me. People are such morons like that.

Unfortunately for me, directly following homeroom was PE. I had never been inside the girl's locker room before, having always changed in a stall in the boy's room. I smiled amiably at everyone, attempting to be pleasant and casual as we all changed.

My efforts were met with much hostility.

"No wonder no one suspected anything, she's not even an A-cup," someone said loudly. This was followed by a chorus of laughter. I ignored it and continued to change, stuffing my uniform hastily in my bag.

"What a commoner," another girl said in a shrill voice. I ignored it again.

But then, I was molested.

Several girls grabbed me from behind, feeling my chest and trying to take off my underwear. I managed to tear them off me and put on the ridiculous PE uniform (are those even shorts? They look like underwear!) as they laughed together.

"What do you know, she's really a girl!" They were saying, in between their harsh giggles.

I didn't dare reply. One of them had scratched me on my left breast and it stung terribly. I rushed out.

The boys were already on the field, and a soccer game was going. It was almost like it was a normal high school PE class. Except, in a normal high school, the _students_ actually _participate_, as opposed to hiring professionals to play soccer for them. Rich bastards.

Girls were supposed to play tennis, but they had also hired pros for themselves, so really, the class was me against people who were about a billion times better than I am. I'm not very athletic, either. Blech.

Luckily, I only had to get slaughtered in about three matches before the teacher let me have a break.

"Are you new?" he asked, "I don't remember coaching you."

Purely out of spite, I said, as casually as possible, "That's probably because the last time you coached me, I was cross-dressing as a boy."

He nodded sympathetically, seeming to think I was joking. I couldn't suppress a small laugh. He laughed too.

"I was serious," I said. He continued to laugh, and then hurried away. Punk.

Now that I was alone, I stared over at the soccer field. Hikaru and Kaoru had just pulled down one of the pro's pants and were laughing hysterically as he searched for the culprit, snapping at random people. I was glad to see that the troublesome pair was getting along once more.

They spotted me watching and came over to the tennis courts. The teacher, fully freaked out by my casual confession, let us be.

"Now then, Haruhi, what seems to be the problem?" Hikaru asked as Kaoru snuck phony tennis balls into the ball basket.

"I think the girl's don't like me," I said simply, watching one of them give me the evil eye as she grabbed a ball from the basket.

"What makes you say that?" Kaoru asked, innocently waving at the fangirls.

"Well, Kaoru, isn't it obvious?" Hikaru pompously gestured to the girls, "They're jealous."

"Jealous! Whatever for?" Karo played along, putting his hands on either side of his face in feigned shock. I laughed.

"Come now, Kaoru, they're upset that she got to hang out with us so much when she was a boy," Hikaru couldn't hold in his giggles any longer.

"Ah, wait a sec," Kaoru said, pointing at the court nearest us. A girl was getting ready to serve.

"Is this the Hiitachin special in action, my dear brother?" Hikaru asked, unable to shake the obnoxious tone from his voice.

The girl (the one who had given me the evil eye earlier) tossed the ball up, but just as it came in contact with her racket, it exploded into white powder.

"Is that baby powder?" I asked. The pro who had been coaching her (rich people often take private lessons from pros during PE time) fell to the floor laughing. It was quite a scene.

"It may or may not be baby powder, dear," Kaoru replied.

At that moment, the teacher cautiously approached the three of us, still laughing a little, to relay a message to me.

"The school chairman would like to see you, Fujioka," he said. He eyed Kaoru and Hikaru suspiciously as little halos lit atop their heads.

They offered to accompany me, but I shrugged them off. I was pretty sure I could handle myself around Tamaki's dad, even if he is a little weird.

I _would_ have changed back into my uniform, but it was ripped to shreds. I don't even read shoujo manga and I know that that's not a very creative bullying technique. So I simply sighed and went to face the chairman in my PE clothes.

I received many looks and whistles as I walked down the hallway. I forgot to mention earlier, I'm the only one who wears the school PE uniform, since I'm too poor to buy anything else. Thankfully, though, after hanging out with the twins so much I've become very good at avoiding the following:

Trip-ups

Falling buckets of chili

Pies

Books

Spit

Pens

The last four would probably go under the category of "Messy Projectiles," if one were really particular about it.

Things I could not avoid so well include:

Staring

Pointing

Whispering

What did they think went on in the Host Club? Oh, that's right. Thanks to Renge, all the girls fantasized about extreme homosexual polygamy behind the scenes of their favorite club. If only they knew how dorky everyone is when no one's around.

So anyway, I made it to the Chairman's office relatively unscathed. If he was surprised to see me in my PE clothes, he did not show it.

"Ah Haruhi, my favorite niece!" he said happily. For the record, he and I are not related. He and Tamaki, however, definitely are.

"Hello, Sir. You wanted to see me?" I bowed politely.

"Aw come on, call me Uncle!" he said, motioning for me to sit down in front of his desk.

"Sir, if this is about my gender—" I began, steeling myself for my punishment.

"—Don't worry, who cares about that?" he interrupted, "What I'm worried about is the bullying you've been subjected to as of late."

"Oh, I'm fine," I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"No you're not. You're not wearing your uniform," he replied, suddenly stern.

"Look, they just thought that something romantic went on behind the scenes of the Host Club, but once it's cleared up that we're all just good friends, everything will be fine. To be honest, I wish I could tell them about how silly everyone is. Then they won't be jealous anymore—" I explained.

"—you don't understand," he cut me off again, "it's precisely because you know how silly they are that they're mad. Who cares if you got yourself a boyfriend, the issue is that you've seen them when they aren't on Host Club duty. Nobody else has ever experienced that."

We sat in silence for a moment as I pondered this new piece of information. I supposed it was true that I had been in a very privileged position. It was also true that I treated something these girls valued too casually.

"I will apologize to them," I said resolutely, standing up.

"Ah, don't worry about that Haruhi. The bullying will stop soon. I just wanted to make sure you can get along with everyone once they cool down." He smiled.

With that, we bid our good byes and I left. To be honest, I felt very relieved after that meeting. I walked back to class smiling, and looking forward to the tutoring session I had that afternoon with Hikaru.

Of course, I didn't realize then that that would end up being a disaster.

DM: hey guys, sorry I know I said no author's notes but this one is quick. This fic will be over soon, and I have an idea for another one, but I'm not sure which coupling to use. Please go to my profile page and vote in my poll to help me decide! Thanks so much!


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

"Hey, Haruhi," Hikaru began as we walked out of the school grounds, "Wouldn't it be easier if we drove to your house?"

I suppressed a chuckle, remembering the time they'd pulled up in two Rolls Royces and a Mercedes. They actually drew a crowd.

"Hikaru, I'm the one tutoring you, so I decide how we travel. For all you know, walking outside could make you better at Calculus." That last bit was a joke, but Hikaru suddenly became very serious and practically goose-stepped the last few blocks to my apartment complex.

My Dad was at work, because apparently even gay bars have "Early Bird Specials." It was probably a good thing too, since things were still awkward between us due to his previous selfish shenanigans.

"It's always smaller in real life than in my imagination," Hikaru muttered aloud as it came into view. I stepped on his foot.

"Why isn't Kaoru here, anyway?" I asked, irritated, "He would keep you in line."

Hikaru stopped walking. After a few steps, I stopped too and looked up at him. He had a surprisingly hurt expression on his face.

"Would you rather he was here instead of me?" he asked softly. I sighed and continued walking.

"That's not what I said at all," I called back, "I just hope I can keep track of you by myself. It might be too much for me." Without looking I could tell his face was brightening. He jumped over the last four steps to my floor.

"So Haruhi, what is your secret trick for learning Calculus?" he asked. I fumbled with the lock as I tried to pick a reply:

A. "Don't be an idiot."

B. "Can't you hire a professional tutor for this kind of BS?"

C. "Not tricks, good study habits, you lazy punk."

I actually picked D, none of the above and said:

"I'll show you in a minute." He smiled. Good choice, Haruhi! I continued to struggle with the lock. Why was I having problems? Probably because Hikaru was pressing close to me and I could feel quite distinctly his breath on my neck. I hid my blushing face, praying that the door would unlock soon. Hikaru put his hand over mine and turned the key.

"Are you ok, Haruhi?" he asked, "You look flushed." In classic shoujo-manga style, he put a hand over my forehead.

Maybe he's right, I thought, Maybe I am a little feverish. My own denial aside, it had been pretty cold lately.

"Ok, so since the semester exam is coming up soon, I think we should start from the very beginning," I said as soon as we sat down. Hikaru groaned and flopped across the table.

"Anything but…but…" he whined. I smiled evilly and put a finger on his mouth.

"That's right! Delta's and epsilons! The very foundation upon which all of calculus is built!" I chirped happily. Hikaru groaned again.

Here's where it might get a little esoteric for those of you who haven't had the wonderful chance to study calculus yet. The theorem in question states that for every delta that is greater than zero, there exists an epsilon greater than zero such that as x approaches delta, the limit of the function in question is within epsilon distance from that function evaluated at delta. Don't worry about it. 

As I was explaining all of this to Hikaru, and guiding him through some example problems, I noticed for the first time that he has the nicest looking hands. His fingers are slender, but at the same time there was something definitely masculine about them. Before knew it I had unthinkingly put my hand over his. He turned to me, puzzled.

"What is it?" he asked, "Am I doing this one wrong?" I pulled back immediately and scooted towards the opposite corner of the room.

"Oh it's just that I have a program on my computer that can illustrate delta-epsilon problems geometrically. Want to see?" Nice save, Haruhi! I took a couple deep breaths to calm my pounding heart while it turned on.

The program was actually really useful for illustrating the concept, and Hikaru was actually totally amazed by it.

"Wow, I didn't know this kind of advanced technology was available to commoners," he said, examining my computer.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I hit him lightly on the head.

Feeling unexpectedly lighthearted, I said, "I have a math joke for you, want to hear it?"

Hikaru nodded a little apprehensively.

"What did delta say as epsilon went to zero?" Hikaru gave me a puzzled look. I had already started laughing.

"There goes the neighborhood!" I burst out. I then collapsed into giggles.

Hikaru didn't seem to find it funny, but he had a very warm smile on his face watching me laugh. He tousled my hair a little.

"You're such a dork, but I have to say, making a joke like that is a little out of character for you," he let out a soft chuckle. His hand remained entangled in my hair. I found it a little difficult to breath.

"Are you going to let it grow long?" he asked, twirling a few strands around his finger. I was so nervous that I jumped to my feet.

"Oh I dunno it might be too much trouble why don't I go make some tea? Yea I think I'll go make some tea," I said all in one breath. Hikaru looked a little stunned, but he nodded.

Looking back, I shouldn't have left him alone with my computer. But how was I supposed to know he would be _that_ nosy?

I set about making tea, oblivious to the fact that he was now searching through my files. As I waited for the water to boil, he must have located the angry word document entitled, "The Worst Month Of My Life." I placed the crushed tea leaves in the little ball and placed the ball in the pot to steep. He was reading it at that point. I had only written up to my threesome with Tamaki and Kyouya. How awkward.

I poured the two glasses and put them on a tray. Hikaru had reached our gay love scene, most likely. I'm sure he was horrified. As an afterthought, I put the milk in a nice pitcher before placing it on the tray with everything else. In that time he managed to finish reading what I had. I tentatively carried the heavy tray into the room.

"Here you go, I hope your rich throat can manage to choke it down," I said sardonically.

Hikaru jumped and looked at me with an extremely guilty face. I was mildly puzzled until I saw what was open on my computer. My hands shook with anger and the milk that was meant for my tea splashed around it. I didn't want to face his rejection again. I couldn't. So, I decided, I would be the one to reject him first.

"Get out," I whispered. Hikaru leaned closer, not having heard the first time.

"Get out!" I yelled. Tears had welled up in my eyes, despite my efforts.

At the sight of my angry face, Hikaru gathered his stuff and left my house. I didn't look at his face once. I slumped over and began to cry. What had inspired me to write this stupid thing anyway?

I must have fallen asleep there, because when I woke up the next morning I was still in my clothes by the table. There was something a little different about the room, though.

What was it?

Hmm, I can't seem to put my finger on it.

Oh yea, that's right. It was full of flowers. So full that the patch I had been sleeping on was the only part of the floor not covered in them. I combed some petals out of my hair and looked around. Dad hadn't come home the night before. What time was it, I wondered?

When I saw the clock I almost laughed out loud. It was 4 am. That's what I get for falling asleep at like 6pm. I sighed and got up. My uniform was terribly wrinkled. I took it off and kicked away the flowers covering the ironing board. I turned the iron on and sat waiting in my underwear for it to heat up.

Where the fuck did he get off, filling my house with flowers? I wondered. Only a rich bastard like that would do something like this to apologize for a breach of my privacy. Interesting how filling my house with flowers while I'm asleep seems to be a breach of privacy in and of itself. I sighed again.

As I ironed the stupid yellow dress I wondered how to face him the next day (I guess it was actually later that day) at school. Just as I was finishing up, my dad came home, completely drunk.

"What a busy night," he said, exhausted. He slumped on a pile of roses, only to spring up immediately, several thorns lodged into his bare arms.

"What the fuck is all this?" he grumbled. Then he noticed me. "Ah, Haruhi dear, do you have any idea how all this got here?"

Secure in the knowledge that he wouldn't remember anything the next morning, I told him what had happened. He picked the petals off a daisy thoughtfully (or as thoughtfully as he could, being as drunk as he was) as I spoke.

"Kind of an impersonal apology," he said, discarding the stem. I nodded.

He continued, "You oughta tell him what really happened. You kind of owe it to him."

I hadn't thought of that before. My dad fell back asleep on the roses, this time too tired to mind the thorns. I put a blanket over him and went back to my room. I knew what I had to do at school.

I arrived there extra early and stationed myself up in our classroom, holding a large bouquet of flowers. Kids started to come in, all giving me strange looks (some of the flowers I was holding were rare, apparently).

Renge entered, followed by the Hiitachins. Hikaru looked happy to see me. I gave the bouquet to Renge while he watched, dismayed.

"Someone paid me to give those to you Renge. How do you feel about that person now?" I asked, wanting to show Hikaru how I felt.

"Is he too scared to do it himself?" she asked. Hikaru blushed guiltily.

"I don't know, maybe he doesn't like you enough to give them to you personally," I replied. Hikaru looked like he had turned to stone. I pointed straight at him.

"If you're really sorry, you'll clean my god damn house!" I yelled. He winced. "By yourself!" I added. He sank to the floor.

Renge and Kaoru looked utterly confused.


	13. Chapter Twelve End

**Chapter Twelve**

I had to admit, the sight of Hikaru in a jumpsuit was quite hilarious. So was the sight of him doing manual labor (not that cleaning up flowers and stuffing them in bags can be considered that difficult).

"You missed one," I said calmly, pointing to a small group of roses he had left behind next to the coffee table. He turned his face away from me (probably to hide his gritting teeth) and picked the bundle up.

I should probably confess that I was enjoying myself a little bit too much watching him work. However, if my dad had been there, it probably would have been much worse for Hikaru.

"Why did you fill my house with flowers anyway, Hikaru?" I asked, getting up to make some tea in the now flower-free kitchen. He gave a low growl and thrust some daisies in a bag rather violently.

"To apologize," he said slowly. I resisted the urge to laugh, but could suppress the smile forming on my face.

"Why couldn't you apologize to my face?" I insisted, wondering now what the hell I wanted him to say.

He threw down his current trash bag in a fury and turned around, taking me by the shoulders.

"You don't think it's even a _little_ awkward that you wrote a story about you and I having gay sex? Not even a little?" he practically yelled in my face. I opened my mouth to reply that it had actually happened in a videogame that Kyouya and Renge had tested on me, and the story was my preparation to testify against the glasses-wearing character, but he continued:

"And what's even more unsettling is that Kaoru won't look me in the eye and keeps shuffling about in a very guilty manner and I have no idea why!" he looked like he was about to cry.

I sat him down on a flower free patch of floor, where he proceeded to cry, as I had predicted. I patted his back, but you know me, I'm not really the type to ask and nosy about. He finally decided to speak, through his sobs, and tell me what had really been bothering him.

"He keeps staying over with Honey and Mori and doesn't even talk to me anymore," he confessed. I sighed and gave him a hug (very uncharacteristic of me). This only seemed to aggravate him.

"And you!" he cried, grabbing me roughly and holding me in his arms (he knocked my tea to the floor in the process), "You write this weird crap and then act the same way you always do, and I can't tell how you feel about me!"

He then proceeded to kiss me. Violently. I didn't even have time to close my eyes.

When he pulled back, I saw he had calmed down and was now looking rather embarrassed. He released me, and on instinct I scooted away from him.

"You should know by now how I feel about you, Haruhi," he said seriously. I had an inkling of what he was talking about, but was too embarrassed to reply. Instead, in my usual awkward way, I began cleaning up the spilt tea as if nothing had happened. He sighed.

It was then that Kaoru arrived at my residence.

It was a rather meek entrance, seeing as he snuck in and left a letter by the door. He probably didn't count on my walking through the hallway to throw away some paper towels, because he jumped and spluttered as soon as he saw me.

"Oh Kaoru," I said loudly, pretending to not notice his desperate desire to not be found by his brother, "What brings you here?"

I heard a loud shuffling as Hikaru got up and ran to the hallway, where Kaoru had strangely gotten down on his knees. Facing me, he pressed his forehead to the floor in a bow of apology.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hikaru cried, "you look like a yakuza!" I laughed. The idea of Kaoru being a member of the Japanese mafia was too funny.

"I'm apologizing," he said softly, getting up and looking at me. I cocked my head to the side in confusion.

"What did you do?" I asked, wondering what exactly was going on. Kaoru blushed.

"I know the position that Kyouya has put you in," he said, taking my hand, "but I haven't helped you at all. In fact, I—"

I recoiled away from him as Hikaru looked confusedly between the two of us.

"What's going on?" Hikaru asked. I looked pointedly at Kaoru and said firmly:

"Nothing. I seem to have made a deal with the devil."

Kaoru's eyes widened with understanding. Hikaru looked more lost than ever.

"It's ok, Haruhi. His only threat is that people will find out what happened, right? And both Hikaru and I know what happened…" he trailed off, blushing.

I froze. Hikaru knew from reading my story of my most embarrassing (and weirdly homosexual) moment, but how did Kaoru know. I felt my eyebrow twitch as I realized. Kaoru resumed his position of genuflection.

"YOU WERE PLAYING, TOO?" I yelled, kicking him. He winced and nodded. I smacked my forehead. Hikaru grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Playing what? What the Hell are you talking about?" he shook me rather frantically as he asked. I sighed.

"Well, it's kind of a long story, so why doesn't Kaoru make us some tea?" I said, wiggling myself free and pulling the younger Hitachiin up by his collar. Terrified of my wrath, he nodded and scuffled to the kitchen.

Of course, Kaoru had no idea _how_ to make tea, so after he made an absolute mess of my kitchen I ended up making it anyway. The three of us sat down in the living room.

"Here is the truth, Hikaru. The truth I had hoped you would never find out," I began. Hikaru listened intently and Kaoru shifted guiltily as I spoke.

"Kyouya, Renge, and apparently Kaoru thought it would be fun to test a new videogame on me. My dad was easily bribed and of course signed a release form on my behalf."

Hikaru nodded, and Kaoru had begun to sweat.

"In this game, I was a boy, but everything else about my life was the same. Unfortunately, Kyouya turned up my sex drive for his own entertainment, which led me to sleep with you and then him and Tamaki at the same time," I said.

"After rejecting me," Kaoru added meekly.

"After rejecting Kaoru," I corrected.

The two of us sipped our tea calmly while Hikaru's face ran the gamut of expressions. Disbelief and incredulity turned to horror and embarrassment followed by denial and insane laughter. He fell to the floor laughing until tears came out.

"Good one, guys," he choked out. Kaoru and I made eye contact and nodded.

"Hikaru," he said, "We're not joking."

"How else would my dad get that mink he's always wearing?" I asked aloud.

Hikaru sit up, his laughter gone. He contemplated the two of us seriously, trying to discern from our expressions whether or not we were lying.

"I forgot to add that I won your heart in the end and beat the game. It was UkiDoki Memorial 3: Virtual Romance, if you want to check," I said to break the awkward silence.

Kaoru handed his twin his blackberry and Hikaru looked up the videogame in question. As he read about its features and game play, his eyes widened in realization and shock. I barely hid a smirk when he looked up and asked, "When did this all happen?"

"About a week ago," I replied calmly, "When Renge, Kyouya and I missed a day of school."

Hikaru's mouth fell open. Kaoru sighed.

"Now the only one who doesn't know is Tamaki," he said. The three of us exchanged glances.

"Let's not tell him," I said. The other two nodded in agreement.

Then Hikaru angrily kicked Kaoru out, accusing him of 1) conspiring against me, 2) making a mess of the kitchen, 3) interrupting a romantic moment, and 4) blowing his mind. I laughed as he walked back to me, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Was all of that really so embarrassing you couldn't tell me?" he asked.

Yes.

"No, I guess not," I replied.

We sat in an awkward silence for a moment, and then he hugged me. I hugged back.

It's none of your business what happened after that.

So that's the story of the worst month of my life and how I finally managed to sort things out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something to take care of.

What is it, you ask? Well, let's just say that the next story you read might begin with "I, Ootori Kyouya, awoke one morning to find that my penis had been replaced by a vagina."

Bye bye.

* * *

Haruhi shut down her computer with a contented look on her face, then got up and went outside.

"Are you guys ready?" she asked. The group (excluding Tamaki and Kyouya) was waiting, dressed like ninjas and holding some complicated video game apparatus.

"Awaiting orders to commence Operation: Revenge, captain!" Hikaru joked, saluting her.

She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

This was going to be fun.

**Fin**

DM: Wow, it's done! Thanks so much to everyone who read/reviewed it! You guys are awesome and I love you! Now that it's finished, I have two shameless plugs for you:

Shameless plug 1) On my profile I have a new poll asking which of my fics is your favorite. Please vote, because it will help me decide what to do next.

Shameless plug 2) If you read this fic and enjoyed it, I think we can assume that you're not into the typical fluffy and short Ouran High School Host club fics that perpetuate . If that is indeed the case, please check out my next fic (already in its second chapter) _The Ward_. It's rated M and is TamakixHaruhi, but if you don't mind that, then please do read it!


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